Karen

I have 2 photo backdrops that I was trying to sell on Craigslist the other day. A lady got ahold of me (her name is Karen) via email and said she would drive down on Monday afternoon and pick them up. I told her that I might not be home, but I'd leave them out on the front porch for her. At about 11:30 I got a phone call.

Karen: "This is Karen, I'm sitting in front of your house and I don't see the backdrops."

Me: "Who is this?"

Karen: "Karen, the one who is buying your backdrops."

Me: "Ohhhhh....hi. Ah, you said you'd be there this afternoon and I haven't had a chance to get home to put them outside. How long are you going to be in town?" (I was out running errands and had a few more to do)

Karen: "uhhh......as long as it takes I guess."

Me: "Alright, well I'll be there in 30."

Karen: "Okay."

Karen sounded less than pleased. But she did say she'd be there in the afternoon and it wasn't even noon yet. But in her defense, sometimes people sound different on the phone, or sound cranky when they really aren't, but I was having a hurried morning already and didn't want to be rushed any more.

Me: "ah! That lady was kinda cranky."

Jamie: "Who was it?"

Me: "Karen."

Jamie: "Why was she mean?"

Me: "Not mean, cranky. She wants to buy my photo backdrops and they arent outside."

Jamie: "oh." .....10 minutes later....."WHy does she want to take away your photo sessions???"

Me: "I just don't need those backdrops anymore, it's okay."

so we get home, she's there, and she's very nice. Okay, so I misjudged her, sue me. But anyway, she was very nice, paid me for the backdrops and loaded them in her car. The windows were down in my car and the kids were in there. She hears them and goes over to them and says hi. Jamie...my sweet, appropriate, always polite boy says:

"See mom? Karen's not mean and cranky."

Rabbits

My sweet Maria. She is completely girly, a princess, and is grossed out by spiders. So this little episode really surprised me.

We were over at my parent's house and Maria was playing next door with her great little friends Alison, Lauren, J.J, Nicholas and Zach. They were playing and came across a few (gag) dead baby bunnies. Like.....very dead. And very baby. (Our cat Killer is going to hell, by the way, for killing all these animals).

I am on the deck and hear them, "There are 3 dead bunnies! Come quick!"

So of course I grab plastic gloves, a ziplock, and paper towels. I run over there to save them from being traumatized. I hand Alice off and shoo the kids away. Yep....3 dead bunnies. I try and grab them all in one swoop but quickly realize maybe grabbing them with my hands inside a plastic baggy was a terrible idea. I would grab it and just as I almost had a firm grip, it'd slip out of my hands. It was like a bad joke I was playing on the kids. "Almost got it...oops, there falls the dead bunny again..." Terrible.

But apparently they weren't scarred or traumatized by the event because after the 3rd bunny slipped, they all yelled, "Cool!! Don't throw it away, we wanna look at the guts and the skeleton." It took everything I had not to puke at them for not being completely disgusted...

Privileges

Every mom has their 'weapon.'

"Come here or I'm taking away your Cars dvd."

"If you don't stop that, you can't have ice cream for dessert."

That kind of thing. Mine is privileges. If the kids are super naughty or don't listen, they have their privileges taken away. What are their privileges? Watching TV, playing with their favorite toys (Jamie's Thomas trains and Maria's Barbies). They know I mean business. Sometimes I give in, but 90% of the time, I don't. That's a pretty good percentage. Jamie sounds HILARIOUS when he gets upset about his privileges being taken away.

Mama: "Jamie, do not climb on that wall or you will lose your privileges. Did you hear what I said? Are you listening? 1...2...okay, they're gone. Your privileges have been taken away."

Go ahead, laugh...(it is pretty hilarious, actually, to hear myself say it).

Jamie screams, he cries, and he fights it the whole way home.

Jamie: "Can I watch Noggin?"

Mama: "No. You climbed on that wall."

Jamie: "Can I play with the trains?"

Mama: "No."

Jamie: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

......5 minutes later....

Jamie: "Are my telebisionliges still taken away?" (that was a cross between television and privileges)

Mama: "Yes, Jamie."

Laundry Basket

I walked into Jamie's room (where Maria falls asleep each night. I know, I know....we are arranging for her to have her own room) tonight and saw Jamie passed out on the bed and Maria was curled up...I mean REALLY curled up....inside a laundry basket. A pillow on one end and a quilt draped over her. She was reading a book.

Maria: "Oh. Hey, mom. I'm just gonna sleep here in this laundry basket tonight."

Okay. Fine. Just don't sneak attack your way into my king size laundry basket tonight.

The White House

Maria is pretty predictable. I mean that she responds to lots of questions how you might expect a 5 year old girl to respond. For example, when asked what she's getting danny for Father's Day she said, "Tools." Because, ya know, every dad wants tools.

Jamie, though, is his own kid.

Jamie: "Mama. For Mother's Day....I will get you.....a big picture of the White House."

Because THAT is what I've always wanted.

When I Grow Up....

My kids say some of the funniest things when we are in the car. They talk to each other and kind of forget I am there.

Maria: "When I grow up I am going to be a sea turtle scientist. A marine biologist."

Jamie: "When I grow up I am going to be a sea turtle."

Maria: "HAHAHA a sea turtle???"

Jamie (in the 'do you really think that's what i said and do you really think I'm that big of an idiot voice): "No, Maria...not a sea turtle. HA. A whale! I'm going to be a whale."

Maria: "oh, Jamie! People can't turn into animals! HAHAHA."

Jamie: "Oh. Well then I will be a worker. Do you want to be a worker helper?"

Maria: "No. I'm going to be a marine biologist."

Jamie: "Oh. I am going to build you something when I am a worker."

Maria: "Oooooh. A gold ring??"

Jamie: "No, Maria. Something that is such a lot bigger."

Maria: "A unicorn??"

Jamie: "No. Even such bigger."

Maria: "Well what is it??"

Jamie: "I am going to build you a big giant Barbie toy store. And your unicorns can stay there, too."