juice

This makes me wanna throw up more than it makes me wanna laugh.

Maria: "I like to suck the hot dog juice more than eating it."

Excuse me while I go puke.

Lost

Maria goes to a Catholic school (like I've said before) and it is held above the church. Every once in a while, they have to walk down by where services take place. My mom came with me to pick up Maria today and we noticed there were lots of cars there. Maria got in the car:

Maria: "They lost someone down in the church so we had to be quiet"

My mom: "Oh, no, did they find them?"

Maria: "no...."

It took us a while to figure out there was a funeral at the church. Her teacher must have told them that they lost a loved one and they had to be quiet while walking around. Oh, little ears.

England

Maria (decked out in a hat, purse and mini backpack): "Goodbye, mom, I'm off to England. I have to go on an adventure and clean my friend's chimney!"

Jamie: "Well, I'm going to Mango!"

Grilled Cheese Pita Bed

Jamie came inside after playing for about a 1/2 hour and in one giant run-on sentence said this:

"Mama I am tired I want a piece of grilled cheese and watch Noggin in the pita bed I want bawoney (balogna to grownups) my tummy hurts when are we going to papa and lalas?!"

wooooooooooah cowboy, slow down.

(1) a piece of grilled cheese?

(2) Noggin is no longer Noggin...it's Nick Jr. And for anyone who doesnt' know, "pita bed" is short for "princess bed" which is what Maria used to call any big bed when she was 2 or younger.

(3) the thought of touching bawoney makes me want to puke.

Out of all these requests, he got the best one: going to papa and lala's house.

Donation

Maria goes to a Catholic preschool (All Saints -- love it) and each year on Ash Wednesday, they are given a little cardboard donation box to fill with coins all during Lent. Maria didn't quite understand it so this is exactly what I said to her:

Mama: "It is a donation box. Donation is when you give something and in this box you give money and it goes to people who need it. I think this money will go to someone in another country."

Maria: "oh. cool."

So later that day we were driving to ballet and Maria was holding the box. Jamie wasn't that interested in it, but that didn't stop Maria from telling him all about it:

Maria: "This is a donation box, Jamie."

Jamie: "oh"

Maria: "We give money to it. And since our country has some money, we give it to other countries who don't have any money like Mexico or Japan or maybe even India."

Jamie: "oh. Mexico."

Poison

I'd like to think that I have trained my children well -- they know that Pepsi is the only acceptable soda. You can imagine how disappointed I was in this little episode:

Television: "....sponsored by Coca-Cola!"

Jamie: "Coca-cola??"

Maria: "yeah. yummmm, coca-cola!"

Mama: "What?! NO!"

Maria: "I know mama, it's poison, but it's just sooooo good."

Clearly she was mistaken. She must have accidently been thinking of Pepsi and the deliciousness of that.

Skippy

So I am sitting at my computer in the basement while the kids play (or rather destroy) in their playroom. Before I tell this story, I have to explain that Maria makes up names for herself. I don't just mean that she pretends her name is "Annie" or "Katy" or real names. She makes them up. Words and sounds that make no sense. Okay, so moving on, Maria comes in

Maria: "Hello. I am a park ranger." (she is wearing a gigantic pin on her shirt featuring Minnie, Mickey and Goofy) "This is my badge. My name badge."

Mama: "Well what does it say?"

Maria: "My name is Jezabelle Police Hihel Kafa. But you can call me Skippy for short."



PS: Skippy, I'm so very sorry if I butchered the spelling of your name.

Nothing about this post is funny

Our puppy Zeek got into stuff.



He made a huge giant mess



NOT a happy camper.

Bath: Part II

Mama: "Jamie, do you have to go to the bathroom?"

Jamie: "No. I already went. In the tubby."

(Shrugs shoulders and holds his hands up like it's a question)

Jamie: "It is gross to go potty in the tubby. I need to go potty in the toilet."

Please cross your fingers that he actually believes this.

Bath time is not necessarily clean time

The kids LOVE bath time. I mean, LOVE it. They spend 10 seconds getting their hair cleaned and bodies cleaned and 25 minutes playing. I thought that in our house, we all pretty much felt that the best place to go potty was in the toilet. I was wrong. Even when there is a toilet less than 2 feet away, Jamie would rather go in the bath water. The fresh bath water.

So Danny put both kids in the bath, turned the water on, then turned around to look for the bubble bath. As he was turned around, he heard a second stream of water.

Danny (turned around to see Jamie): "NO! NO, NO, NO! GET OUT! Both of you!"

Maria: "Jamiiiiiiiiiiiiiie"

(I thought for sure she would be scolding him)

Maria: "We BOTH went potty in the bath!!!"

gross. SO SO SO gross. I mean, does it get any grosser?!? They were both taken out of the bath, the water was drained, and new water was put in. They weren't even sorry.

Twins

Anyone who knows Maria really well knows that once in a while, she will say something in the sassiest, most 14-year-old voice ever. And it just sounds mean.

Jamie will often say something just to say something. He loves Maria more than anything and likes to be cool when he's around her, so he'll sometimes say something just to start a conversation. Then Maria shoots him down.

Jamie: "Ooh, Maria, you and Alice look the same!"

Maria (in her sassy voice): "uhh, yeah jamie. We're twins."

Jamie: "yep. you are."

ohhhhh Maria. If she only knew how completely uncool it is to dress exactly like your baby sister.

Painting

What is it with my kids and toilet water?! It's not like our toilets are disgusting and caked with nasties, but c'mon. It's a toilet. Let's just say I wouldn't dip a small watercolor paintbrush in the toilet water, then suck the water off of it. But Jamie would.

He walks in the living room holding a paintbrush. I say, "Jamie, where'd you get the paintbrush and what are you doing?"

Jamie: "I'm painting, mama."

Mama: "Yes, I see, but where did you get the water?"

Jamie (as he's sucking the 'paint' off the paintbrush): "uhm...the toilet?"

I quickly ran into the bathroom to make sure the toilet water was at least fresh. Thank goodness it was. Not that it makes it okay...but it makes it better.

Oh what a clean, clean boy I have.

Blow Your Socks Off

It's amazing...the things kids hear at school, on tv, from other adults...

Well Maria, thinking she was pretty smart and funny:

"Jamie, that really blew your socks off"

Jamie: "no, Maria. It did not blow my socks off." (this really is how he talks)

Maria: "yeah, it totally will blow your socks off."

Jamie: "NO, Maria, come over here! See? My socks are right here! You did not blow them off!"

Maria: (giggling) "no, jamie, that's just a joke!"

Jamie: "No, Maria. It's not a joke because there are my socks."

Oh, Jamie.

Gross?

Whenever Maria drinks milk she asks: "Mom, am I bigger?" They must have learned that milk helps you grow. She is also obsessed with asking if what we are eating is healthy, being bigger than her friends, and carrying Jamie around to show her strength. So tonight, she asks us:

"Hey, am I going through a gross spurt?"

When She is Tired, She's Tired..

No, Alice didn't say anything funny (but she does say "mama" now) but look at this picture. Really, Alice? You really didn't have enough strength to sit down, then lay down if you were so tired? Nope. After getting mad at me for not holding her for 2 minutes (the big kids decided to turn their bathroom into SeaWorld, so it needed to be cleaned up) she decided she would just take a nap. Standing up.

Water Toes: Part 2

I'm sitting in bed watching TV and I hear Dan walk into the bathroom:

Dan: "What??? Are you guys playing WATER TOES again?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Oh, water toes....the fun never ends.

Water Toes

Jamie: "I'm the only one who does water toes."

Maria: "NO you're NOT! I can do it too!!"

Mama: "What is water toes?"

Jamie: "It's water toes."

Maria: "It's where we sit on the tub and dip our toes in the toilet. And then we walk around on the bathroom floor. Water toes."

So basically, right now, our babies' toes AND our bathroom floors are squeaky clean.

The Mango

Maria and Alice...

....dancing...

....the "Mango"

Not to be confused with the "tango."

Snow Fairy

My baby boy (okay, so he just turned 3, but he is still my baby boy!) is the sweetest. He is soft and sweet and because he has an older sister who doesn't mind telling him what is the best, coolest and prettiest, he loves all things pretty and pink. He also loves trains, trucks and dirt, but has a soft spot for anything girly. So, it didn't surprise me to hear this request the other day:

"Mama....can I be a snow fairy when I grow up?"

Yes, Jamie. Of course you can be a snow fairy. I wouldn't want you to be anything else.

Musicians

Last night was the premier of 'Lost' and since I am a Lostie and so are my parents and my brother and his girlfriend, we obviously had a Lost party. While I was tending to my sick boy (poor baby) in our bedroom, Maria was showing off. Laying with Jamie, I hear from the other room:

Maria: "And see? It disappeared"

My Mom: "Wow. How did you do that?!"

Maria: "I can't tell you. Musicians never reveal their secrets."

So she's a magician AND a musician. So very talented.