Lent

For Lent, I usually give something up. I've given up candy (duh, doesn't everyone at least once in their Catholic lifetime?), alcohol, and this year I'm giving up meat, makeup (yikes) and Starbucks. I have failed twice: I love Starbucks oatmeal and sometimes, face powder is a must. But I have had no meat. And whenever Danny suggests hamburgers or steak or something for dinner, I remind him, "Not until Easter." Maria has, apparently, caught on to that.

Mama: "Maria, what is it that you can't eat until after Easter?"

Maria: "Ice cream. Oh, yeah, and bacon."

Mama: "Ice cream and bacon?! haha, why?"

Maria: "Because I have to wait. Uhhh, mom? What would happen if I ate ice cream before Easter?"

Mama: "Nothing at all."

Maria: "So I can still eat it?"

Mama: "Yes."

Maria: "ok, good."

Goin' on a Trip

For Maria's 5th birthday, my mom and dad (Papa and Lala) took Maria to Disneyland. She was told not to talk much about it because Jamie would be sad. But the morning she left, she couldn't handle it any longer:

Maria: "Jamie I am going to Disneyland because I'm 5. When you are 5 do you wanna go on a trip?"

Jamie: "Yes"

Maria: "Okay. But you have to bring me back something."

Jamie: "Okay, Maria"

Maria: "Well.....I just hope you do."

Max

I will not lie: Jamie and Maria watch their fair share of Noggin. It's preschool-aged programming with lots of shows based on children's books like Olivia, Little Bear, Franklin, and their favorite Max and Ruby.

Tonight I was holding Jamie and he got very quiet.

Mama: "Jamie, what are you thinking about?"

Jamie: *silence*

Mama: "What are you thinking?"

Jamie: "I'm thinking of that space suit. Max's space suit."

Here I was thinking he might be thinking something really sweet or profound. But no....it all goes back to Noggin.

Beer

Danny enjoys beer. Brewing beer, drinking beer, beer bottles, brewing companies, the whole thing. He finds it fun and interesting and neat. Yes, neat. The kids know that beer is for adults only, but I wonder what Maria's teachers will think if she repeats this:

Maria: "Beer is not for little girls. I don't like beer."

Mama: "No, beer is for grownups only, and it's not very healthy."

Maria: "No. I don't like beer, Jamie doesn't like beer, you don't like beer and Alice doesn't like beer. But Daddy loves beer."

Mama: "uhm. Yes. He does. He loves beer."

Maria: "I bet Jane's* dad loves beer too."

Mama: "Probably."

*Name changed for the purpose of not humiliating "Jane's" dad.

Just Crocs

Okay so this afternoon Maria had a birthday party to attend. She had waited all weekend for Sophia's party and had been really good about not saying one single word about it to Jamie. Well, she got too excited.

Mama: "Maria, come upstairs and put your shoes on."

Maria: "Okay mama! Is it time for sophia's party?!"

Jamie: "Okay mama! I"m coming, too!!"

So they both race upstairs. Maria is in her leotard and shorts (it's a gymnastics party) and Jamie is in....nothing. Naked. Completely naked. Not a surprise because he enjoys being naked (really, who doesn't?). Maria gets her Nikes on and Jamie gets his Mickey Mouse Crocs on. They both go outside to the garage. Maria gets in the car and buckles herself in. Jamie gets distracted by the open garage door and goes outside.

Mama: "Jamie! No! YOu have to have clothes on to play outside!"

Jamie: "No, mama, I'm getting in the car to go to the party! Uh...I have to go potty."

Before I can do anything, he is standing in our front yard going to the bathroom. Right there. As a small white car drives by. Perrrrrrrfect. I did get a picture, but I don't think it's appropriate to post that.

A couple things:

(1) Really? Going potty outside? Completely naked?! Not okay.

(2) Really? Did you really think, Jamie, that wearing zero items of clothing would be good for a gymnastics birthday party?

Jamie's Ramblings

This is my 'conversation' with Jamie this morning (very one-sided)

Mama: "Hi Jamie."

Jamie: "Hi mama. Milky Way, rocks, purple planet. Purple plaaaaaaaaanet! What are you making? Eggs? I want toast. Can I have toast? I want eggs. oooooooh I have to go potty! Don't start them till I get back!" (running in his undies towards the bathroom)

Mama: "okay." (Jamie comes back after maybe 10 seconds) "Did you go potty?"

Jamie: "no. uhm yes. I did. I went potty on the floor. did you start my eggs? Can I have toast?"

Mama: "yes, here are your eggs. They are hot."

Jamie: "I don't care if they are hot. Ooooh they are hot. Alice Milky Way!! ALIIIIIIIIIIIICE MILKY WAY!"

I am so exhausted already.

And I have a bathroom floor to clean up

Shuffle

Cenone was over the other night watching The Bachelor (I hate you, vienna..you and your hair). Maria LOVES Cenone and would do anything to impress her. Why she thought THIS would impress her, I have no idea:

She walks into the room bent over, walking and kinda dancing...a little. Her arms and hands looked like she was pretending to play the drums and her eyes were half shut and her lips were pursed. And she said:

"I call this...the Maria Shuffle."

Fingers

First let me just say that I 100% realize that I think most of this is funny just because it's my kids who say it. Lots of people would read this stuff and not even smile. This post is probably one of those, because Jamie saying it in his sad, weird, mopey voice is hilarious.

I work out at Adcope (come on bikini body..) and Jamie and Alice stay in the daycare while I get my workout on. Right out side the door to the daycare is a mini reese's cup dispenser. Each time he begs me to buy him one. Surprisingly I actually remembered to bring a quarter this time (yes, I totally stole it out of the Lent donation cup). I put the quarter in and his little finger got in the way. He didn't really squeal or cry or anything, so I just didn't make a fuss over it. But when we got in the car:

Jamie: "mama. My finger. There's a red dot on it. A spot. You hurt me."

Mama: "oh no! Is it okay? Let me look..." (sure enough, a blood blister had popped and it was nasty and looked like it actually did hurt) "it's okay, we'll get a bandaid at home."

Jamie: "No, I don't want a bandaid. We need to get me a new finger. Mine broke."

All of this was said with absolutely no inflection....oh, jamie.